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| Here i am again, my mind wanting to remember, but is compelled to forget all that it's seen. Wondering whether or not to leave these memories behind or to take them in hopes of a change. But this will never end and my heart slowly breaks at the thought that things will never be different .. even though i know its true. When it comes down to it, I realize that maybe standing here has done more harm then good. Maybe it would be for the better .. but thinking of that final teardrop and that last goodbye makes me want to erase that very thought, yet i can't shake the feeling that i'm the last thing on his mind as he makes these decisions, as though i dont exsist. And i can't describe the way that makes me feel knowing that i dont matter and i'm not worth the effort, or even a simple promise.
Second thoughts, Second guesses .. Second chances ..
but why can't he take a second to realize i'm here waiting for something more? | | |
| Have you ever put your playlist on random, and a song comes up that you haven't heard in a while? And in that moment the song brings back a flood of emotions from that period in your life where you listened to that song .. So you listen to it and you start listening to other songs from that time, just to relive those memories and the feelings you felt .. The good .. and even the bad just cause you remember. So you smile, reminising over the fact that those times were so crazy but so much fun. You lived, you loved, things got crazy, and you got hurt. But it was all worth it. Cause in those moments, you were living life to its fullest, and you always found a reason to laugh because you were carefree, and you found that things would always get better ... cause things always did ... and they always will. | | |
| And she has had this bad feeling for days. Like somethings about to go wrong, as if the slightest mistake will end up in trajedgy. She's watching her step, but will that be the very thing that triggers it? Over analyzing everything until the overanalyzing becomes the mistake. But that happens everytime, and she often finds herself thinking .. is she able to sense when bad things are about to happen? Or do the happene because she thinks they will as she's subcousiously doing the opposite her mind is thinking. She could also be so set on finding soemthing wrong that she looks for it around every corner, expecting it with every glance, unti she finally finds it. Either way the problem is her, and she doesn't know how to control her impules, and stop her urges to fix every little thing. But thats only half of it. Her instincts are screaming "watch out, something bad is about to happen" and yet her heart and her mind yearn for it not to be true. With every dtep she's cautious, careful not to let things get beyond her control. But were they ever really under her control? How do you stop your feelings, when they are something you can't restrain ..? | | |
| Shimmers and sparkles. Flashing emotions. Hope, happiness, fear, worry, anger, and sadness. Short, fast, glimpses of each. Like fireworks, colors of white, yellow, red, orange, green, and blue. Dark blue that is. All mixing together and patiently waiting for its short explosion of light to occur, but almost as soon as the energy is released, it disperses softly into the nights sky. Its flashing white combined with short doses of yellow and dark blue, all constantly interchanging. But the one that shines the brightest is white, finally showing through all of that dark .. dark blue, that used to engulf the nights sky. Flickers of short felt emotion verses strides of constant feeling. But which is better .. a constant .. or a constant change? | | |
| Torn .. confused. Relieved that the stress and pressure is off, but sad cause you know that it wont be the same. He wont be there. But honestly would you? It hurts but you couldn't deal with it anymore. You knew you deserved to be treated better. You didn't deserve the ignoring, the flirting, the not caring, and the waiting. He didn't really love you .. he used you. And you knew it all along, you were just in denial. That was basically the whole relationship. One whole lie. | | |
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